..."It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags!"...

But they sure are fun in the right hands...

...
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!...
--Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

I've read and seen this story how many times, and I still get teary-eyed when all the Whos down in Who-ville join hands and start singing simply because it's Christmas... I read this story to Lazarus over the past few nights and he just watched me intently as I read. Usually he fidgets after a few minutes of me reading, but something about Dr. Seuss seems to calm him. Or my tone of voice, or whatever.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night...

My quick tears kill'd the flower, my ravings hush'd
The bird, and lost in utter grief I fail'd
To send my life thro' olive-yard and vine
And golden grain, my gift to helpless man.
Rain-rotten died the wheat, the barley-spears
Were hollow-husk'd, the leaf fell, and the sun,
Pale at my grief, drew down before his time...
--Tennyson, "Demeter and Persephone"

I've always greeted the winter solstice with mixed emotions, mostly on the blue side (that whole seasonal affective thing) but also thankful that the days will now start getting longer, however slowly. I remember, years ago, reading about Persephone and feeling a strange mixture of grief -- that what I was feeling was fairly universal, and would probably recur every year of my life -- and relief, that spring would also recur every year of my life.

Now that I'm back in the land of Real Winters, I again feel that "hollow-husk'd" fatigue of body and spirit... sometimes. It's nothing like before, though, since this creature

graced my life... I have to smile when a 21-pound, two-and-a-half-foot tall bundle of happy energy in nuthin' but a diaper lets out a belly laugh and reaches for me...

oh, ma...

did you really put a picture of me in my diaper on the frickin' Internet??? Geez.

Good news: I'm actually getting Christmas cards out this year -- the first time in two years... Bad news: I haven't gotten Christmas pictures of Lazarus to enclose with them. But at least the people we care about will have some notion of where we are now.

I'm still looking for my "real" camera (hence no Laz pix for print), but in the meantime, here's a little holiday cheer from the lil' guy:

So this being a soapbox and all, it's time for me to rant: When I read about the Bush administration sealing autism records and shielding Eli Lilly from lawsuits related to possible vaccination-related autism, I felt both outraged and scared. Outraged that they can get away with this, and scared because they must know something is up if they're going to all this trouble. I've had my doubts about whether vaccinations (via the mercury-containing thimerosal used to preserve the vaccines) had anything to do with autism, but now that I'm reading more about it, and especially now that I see people in power going to all this trouble, those doubts are fading fast.

I am slightly heartened to see mainstream media paying this some attention -- CBS, for example, in "To Vaccinate or Not," discussed the issue without dismissing non-vaccinators as irresponsible fringe dwellers. This issue might fade out, like most do, from public discussion... we can only hope the medical community is actually taking it seriously, discussing and studying it (using non-drug-company funds). In the meantime, having just gotten Lazarus his 6-month shots and then tended to a pretty sick baby for five days, I'm seriously reconsidering whether to continue with the vaccinations. Pharmaceutical drugs are big business, and thorough research cuts into profits. Sealing autism records? Shielding drug co's from future litigation? Sure smells like an attempt to bury evidence of problems whose source some researchers, not to mention families of the affected children, have suspected for a long, long time. We're not even guinea pigs -- no one in power wants anyone to see the results of this ongoing "experiment." And if vaccinations aren't the only culprit, we won't know that, either, because we don't have access to all the information and therefore can't make truly informed decisions.

This is why I care:

It's not the only reason, but I really get it now.

I'm back. I am shocked that I still have most of my previous posts (yep, mom, they're here!); my ISP lost my Web site last month and I was sure all my blogger archives were gone since I'd migrated the blog to my own site. Nope, I guess Blogger keeps entries on their own servers, too, so let me give them a big *mwah*... now to find a new ISP...

We're adjusting pretty well to Denver -- Lazarus has been pretty sick for the past five days or so, but seems to be getting better except for a hoarse voice and barky cough. He's definitely almost all the way back to being happy, thank God. On Monday and Tuesday my heart was just breaking both because he was so sick and unhappy and because I missed my sunny lil' guy.

So most everyone has already seen this picture, but I'll put it up again: a pumpkin for my pumpkin...

Hey ma, what's this I'm eating?

It's... PUMPKIN? You killed it???

Laz and I went on a lunch date a while back, and the waitress gave him a balloon. He loved it.

Now, most of our stuff is still in boxes (why unpack when we'll surely be packing up and moving again???), so we haven't found Laz's lil' cowboy hat yet. But Pop's fits pretty well. Well, howdy! Now, I'm the sheriff round these parts, so you watch your step, hear?

I got some new photos yesterday and will get those up as soon as I've finished my latest work project, which isn't officially late yet but will be soon. Good mama, bad freelancer.

It's 18 degrees in Denver right now. That's Fahrenheit, not Celsius. My tender California hide is SO not ready for this move... That's what wool, down, and flannel are for, though. Still gotta get chains for my car. I do have an ice scraper, though, left over from New Mexico. Hope I remember how to use it.

I've gotten some good pictures of the lil' guy this week -- here he is with mama in the sweater and hat my mom made for him, and here he is with Shannon and Cassidy. Here's Laz dwarfing Ian (not for long, I know... Ian is gonna be TALL), and here's our little family.

As promised, here are some pix (finally) of the lil' guy... getting ready for winter in his fisherman's sweater and cap. He won't be using this car seat much longer, by the way, since his feet already hang off the end and he won't fit into it when he's all bundled up for that Denver weather. Oh, and many thanks to May Mama buddy FiberChick for the beautiful hand-knit hat!

Back to packing. *Sigh.*

Jus' this mornin'
I took a long look around
I've lived it up
and loved it up
and done it in this town
Life goes on
Looks like it's time
for movin' on

After seven long years, Escape from L.A. comes to Anna's life, in less than two weeks! Yep, we're outta here... that's probably not news to two-thirds of the three or so people who read this weblog regularly, but it SURE feels good writing it. Woo-hoo! We were going to leave in early December -- to move to Denver, that is, to go help out Antonio's dad -- but Antonio is getting antsy, and his dad landed in the hospital for a bit last week, so off we go. It's not like we're leaving behind great jobs or anything... just rejection (sniff!) -- I'm still sending out resumes nine months after getting laid off and just got my second response to all that self-promotion last week. Not an offer, just a "thank you for applying" blah blah blah.

What we are leaving behind: really, really good friends. That part sucks. All these years of bitching and moaning about southern California (and all the other stuff I bitch and moan about), I still managed to be sociable enough to meet some awesome people, I guess. I have a trail of good friends all across the country -- from Massachusetts to Philly to New Mexico to California. I lived in one (beautiful, peaceful, nurturing) place for my first seventeen years of life and have moved every year or two ever since, either across town (I'm on my fifth soCal address in seven years) or away to try something new. Here I go again, messing up yet another page in all these good people's address books.

This time is a bit different, though: I'm moving "as a family." A big reason I agreed to go to Denver on such short notice is that I'll be able to continue staying home with Lazarus, working as a freelancer, getting the baby stuff business up and running -- doing what I need to to stay out of the rat race for a while longer. The only thing we don't have nailed down is health insurance -- not only is self-insurance incredibly expensive, but you CAN'T GET IT if you have any medical history whatsoever. I still have COBRA from my last job (which also covers Lazarus, at $320 for both of us), but Antonio has no coverage (I had to drop him from COBRA or pay $580 a month) and has little chance of getting coverage (at less than $500 a month or so) because of his arm injury last year. Still... I feel incredibly fortunate not only to have a secure, comfortable place to go but also to be selling a good house in a hot real estate market. Since we're shacking up with Antonio's dad, our living expenses drop considerably *and* we'll have a nest egg for later... for that straw bale house we really and truly are going to build down in Magdalena. If my internal timetable stays on track, we'd better get started pretty soon so we can have it ready for our next two-year upheaval. *Sigh.*

Wish us luck.

Some lunatic with good aim and access to a high-powered rifle is gunning people down in the Washington, DC area. I'm saying a prayer for everyone I know there and everyone I don't, and especially for the 13-year-old boy who got hit the other day but survived. A child, people. Who is this shooter, and how'd he get a gun like that? Who needs such weaponry for anything nonlethal?

I'm also making plans to somehow go see Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine, which opens in New York and LA this weekend and in other places next week. Michael Moore is a premier gadfly -- if I could have dinner with anyone from the present or past, it would be him. He rouses the rabble and rocks the boat and gets in smug people's faces to tell them the truth they won't hear, and (probably what I most admire about him, since it's a quality I sadly lack) he DOESN'T CARE if he upsets people. He's like a Robin Hood with words, stealing false dignity from the rich and giving voice to the poor. Anyway, Moore says this movie is his "2-hour journey into the dark soul of a country that is both victim and master of an enormous amount of violence, both at home and around the world. With this movie I have broadened my canvas to paint a portrait of our nation at the beginning of the 21st century, a nation that seems hell-bent on killing first and asking questions later..." I must admit that I don't particularly like the title, perhaps because of the grisly image that "Columbine" conjurs up, but maybe that was Moore's intent: we have to face this part of our culture if we're ever to conquer it... in fact, my guess is that Moore has discovered that it's not cost-effective to "conquer" violence because it supports an awfully large part of the US economy.

While I'm rooting around Moore's site, I also want to call out his peace pledge: "I pledge to never vote again for any Democratic candidate for public office who has voted in favor of George Bush's war in Iraq.... To the Democrats in Congress, we give you fair warning: You are either with us, or you are fired."

Whew -- had to get that off my chest. Hey, I gotta get back to taking pix of my little guy! He's growing so fast...

I had a vivid dream this morning... I was sitting in a big, dark, cool stone cathedral asking God for help, and didn't hear anything back, so I started yelling, "why won't you help me???" He replied, "If I keep 'helping' you the way you ask me to, then you'll keep not doing what you know you need to do."

We went to see baby Ian on Saturday -- here's a picture of him with his happy mama, and one of him with his proud papa. Oh beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful boy...

And, of course, I have to put up more pix of my own beautiful boy... I gave Lazarus some rice cereal today -- his second time, the first being a week ago yesterday -- and he really seemed to like it. What's this stuff? Some cereal, s'posed to be good for you.... Hey, he likes it, he really likes it!

Hey, ma, I wanna show you something... watch... see, I can blow bubbles! Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm sitting up, too, eh?

Ian is here!!!! Ian Japhy Woods was born at 7:10 a.m. today and is now resting with mama (Keri) and pops (Steve). So he was holding out to be a Libra after all... for the record, he's also Taurus moon, Libra Mercury, Scorpio Venus, Virgo Mars, Leo Jupiter, and Gemini Saturn. (I haven't figured out the ascendant yet -- too much math for a brain functioning on five hours' sleep.)

Welcome to the world, Ian.

Of course southern California has seasons. Fire season, flood season, earthquake season... The days are shorter now but here they're also hotter, drier, and smoggier. It'll top 100 degrees tomorrow across much of the southland, just like yesterday, just like today. September in soCal sucks. That's the weather -- back to you, Marv.

Thanks, Jeff. Tonight's top story: FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! You can see the flames leaping into the sky -- it's visible from all over the LA Basin, even from downtown LA! (cut to endless video of hills in flames and random person-on-the-street interviews and more endless video of FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!) Five thousand acres burning and no end in sight! (more video - fire makes for great news footage)

In other news, California governor Gray Davis today signed a bill mandating paid leave for employees after the birth or adoption of a child, or to care for sick relatives. This makes California the first U.S. state to enact such a measure. The six paid weeks of leave are scant compared to the months- or even year-long family leave options in places like Sweden or Denmark, but it's a (really, really small) step.

Some people aren't happy about this bill, but not because it's not enough... from the "did you really say that out loud" department, as reported in today's LA Times: "Paid family leave is one of the worst bills for employers in the 2001-02 legislative session," said [Julianne Broyles, a lobbyist for the California Chamber of Commerce]. "This bill fails miserably to address the real cost concerns of employers -- the costs of replacement workers and additional overtime to cover for absent workers, training costs and loss of productivity." Yeah, drag that new mama back to work right away -- give her one week, that's plenty. She'll give you lots of happy productivity on thirty-seven minutes of sleep, with raging post-partum hormones (I can say this; I've been there), and having to leave her brand new baby in someone else's arms. Six weeks -- bah! Buncha wussy liberal wimps.

Others have a different perspective on the issues and priorities involved -- also from the LA Times article: "We as a nation love to talk about ourselves as a family-friendly nation, but when it comes to having the policies in place to live up to that we often fall short," said Judith Lichtman, president of the National Partnership for Women and Children, a Washington-based advocacy group involved in the nationwide battle over paid family leave.

Yup. You got that right, mama.

Thanks for that incisive commentary, Anne. Now for today's travel report, brought to you by No-Doz: Antonio just called from "somewhere about two hours west of Grand Junction," Colorado. "We stopped for a Moosehead and a shot of whiskey, and we're about to go get some sleep." Okay, hon, glad you added that last part. Lessee, looking at the map, assuming they're on I-70, I'm gonna guess they're in Green River, Utah. Which is, yes, on the Green River (which really is green in some spots), and is also just west of beautiful Arches National Park. The next town out -- 102 miles out -- is Salina, and the map has a notation, "No gasoline available between Salina and Green River." Ah, the remote, heavenly West... So I'm guessing he and his dad will show up here sometime tomorrow night. Two months to the day after Antonio left. Half a lifetime for little Lazarus. (No, no pictures today -- the heat and smog have made me CRANKY.)

That's it for today -- thanks for watching. (cue more video of FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!)

You who are on the road
must have a code
that you can live by

Not much to write about today... just tired out and looking at another long night of editing because I couldn't get much done today with Laz awake just about the whole day. He gave me a half-hour nap this afternoon, and I had to choose: shower or lunch? Cleanliness may be next to Godliness, but a growling stomach will drown out calls from the divine sector every time. For me, at least.

Antonio's current ETA in Los Angeles: Sept. 20, 21, or 22, depending on whether he finishes his dad's house tomorrow or Wednesday, takes a day out to see Stu and Edith, and stops in Grand Junction on the way home to see Aunt Barb. And he has to get his truck worked on before hitting the road. Whatever, babe, just get your ass home before winter. Or before I tear all my hair out trying to take care of the house, cat, fish, plants, garden, work, bills, and, of course, baby. Every day has become a sort of marathon: tend to Lazarus (feed, change, play, cuddle), park Laz and rush to take care of something (meal, dishes, laundry, email, bottle washing, fish, plants...), pick up baby when he's had enough of being parked, feed/change/play/cuddle as needed, park baby again and work for the 27 minutes he's either asleep or content to stare at the fish (why I am still taking care of them after all these months), pick up baby and feed/change/play/cuddle as needed, and on it goes. Laz doesn't nap for an hour or two at a time anymore, and lately has needed more attention, so everything else gets squeezed in where possible, if possible, and stuff like showers and nail clipping and dusting just doesn't happen because it's not high enough up on the list. And when Laz falls asleep around 9 or 10 p.m., I take a deep breath and get back on the computer and work till I run out of steam. Last night, I made it to 2:00 a.m. -- good thing I'm a night person because it's the only time I have free to concentrate on anything.

But I'd still rather be doing this than anything else I could possibly think of. Why? Here's why. And around... we... go...

Hey, ma, know what Ian told me? He said he needs more elbow room. And I told him, there's only one way he's gonna get that...

Keri will be 40 weeks pregnant tomorrow. You rock, woman. We so totally can't wait to meet your baby -- Antonio wants him to wait till next weekend to come, but I know Steve's nerves are already a bit frayed from waiting... What, you mean THIS guy is Ian's dad???

When the power of love
overcomes the love of power
then, and only then
shall we have peace.

-Anonymous, taken from a bulletin board
in the DaNang Red Cross Center,
Freedom Hill, 1971

Betcha by golly wow, you're the one that I've been waiting for, forever...

Yeah, I'm smitten with Lazarus... motherhood seems to be the one thing I'm doing right these days, and I'll take that while it lasts.

We went to Three Bears Park yesterday and today -- I walked through that park countless times when I lived in Philly and always gazed longingly at the kids playing on the swings and slides and clamboring over the bears... Laz really seemed to enjoy himself, both on the walk over and back (where he gazed up at the trees, fascinated by the intricate patterns of leaves and branches and sunlight) and at the park, where he intently watched the kids at play. Mom came with me today, and we posed Laz on the bears, in the swing (which he was unsure of at first, but got the hang of with me holding him), and on the bench with Grandma. All too soon he'll be a big guy toddling along with the other kids... but I love watching him learn how to focus his gaze, reach for things, blow spit bubbles -- the important things in life.

We saw more family on Sunday, and aunt Nancy gave Laz a fuzzy rabbit that Laz just loves... Look what the bunny does when I pull his ear, ma -- aaahhh, attack of the killer rabbit!!! -- heh heh, just kidding!

Hey pretty baby don't you know it ain't my fault, I love to hear the steel belts hummin' on the asphalt...

Laz and I are back from our big road trip, and once again the little guy gets big points for being an awesome traveler. He's a road-tripper just like his mama! We drove from Philly to western Massachusetts on Tuesday and came back today, taking the scenic route up through New York state (we Angelenos are tough drivers, but I won't take on the New York City area...). Maria and her family just loved da baby, and I got this nice photo of him with mama in front of Maria's meadow. Maria's kids are awesome... I have so much to look forward to!

I told Maria that I realized the other day that we've known each other for half our lives -- her reply: "Man we're old." Nah, just wiser. Heh.

Laz is still a ways from sitting up on his own, but when I prop him up, he doesn't just smush over anymore, either. What, another photo?!?

I was thinking last night about how overwhelming it is to contemplate a whole life in the making. Lazarus is just over three months old now, and he gets more amazing and precious to me every day... but even as I revel in each new sound, smile, and movement he makes, part of me wishes this babyhood would never end.

Maybe that's just because I don't know what's ahead, and people keep telling me, oh, enjoy him now, because when he's a toddler/eight-year-old/teenager/whatever, you'll have your hands full. Why do people have to wag their fingers and tell us there's bad stuff up ahead? I'm trying to tune those people out and listen to those who say things like, I loved my boys as teenagers because...

The biggest thing on my mind is figuring out how to keep Lazarus sweet and innocent enough to be happy and kind, but savvy enough to be able to defend himself and not get taken advantage of. He is so, so sweet and good-natured, and I want desperately to spare him the pain that I and my brother went through trying to fit in and, over time, learning to feel okay about ourselves even though we so completely didn't fit in... Is it enough for Lazarus that I love him with all my heart???? I hope so, because I feel a bit out of my league on everything else.