Anna's Soapbox

I was thinking last night about how overwhelming it is to contemplate a whole life in the making. Lazarus is just over three months old now, and he gets more amazing and precious to me every day... but even as I revel in each new sound, smile, and movement he makes, part of me wishes this babyhood would never end.

Maybe that's just because I don't know what's ahead, and people keep telling me, oh, enjoy him now, because when he's a toddler/eight-year-old/teenager/whatever, you'll have your hands full. Why do people have to wag their fingers and tell us there's bad stuff up ahead? I'm trying to tune those people out and listen to those who say things like, I loved my boys as teenagers because...

The biggest thing on my mind is figuring out how to keep Lazarus sweet and innocent enough to be happy and kind, but savvy enough to be able to defend himself and not get taken advantage of. He is so, so sweet and good-natured, and I want desperately to spare him the pain that I and my brother went through trying to fit in and, over time, learning to feel okay about ourselves even though we so completely didn't fit in... Is it enough for Lazarus that I love him with all my heart???? I hope so, because I feel a bit out of my league on everything else.