Boosting Morale, the Army Way

Soldiers stationed in Iraq have, understandably, grown weary of being stuck there long past their previously promised go-home dates. Some spoke out to an ABC News reporter about their frustration, and the Army is apparently considering punishing them for breaking military rules about speaking against commanders. I guess being stationed in a guerrilla-warfare zone in full uniform in 120-degree heat with no end in sight isn't punishment enough. See, the army has to be strict about these things. "None of us that wear this uniform are free to say anything disparaging about the secretary of defense, or the president of the United States," said Gen. John Abizaid, head of U.S. Central Command.

Well then, given that I don't wear the uniform and am (so far) free to say what I think, I'd be happy to say what needs to be said:

George W. Bush is a shallow, lying sack of sh**; a power-hungry dumbass who actually believes in his heart that he and his clan have the right to own and rule the world, and the rest of us can eat sh** because we're inferior to them.

Dick Cheney is a greedy beady-eyed prick who would mow down his own mother if she stood in his way.

Donald Rumsfeld would lead our loyal troops into battle wherever Dubya and Dickhead told him to go, regardless of threat level or potential casualties, because he knows he'd get a cut of the spoils.

How dare I? A body found Friday in Britain leaves little doubt in my mind as to how far these men will go to maintain their reign. Court-martial that, you powermongers.