Several months before I became pregnant with Lazarus, I had the first in a long series of dreams in which I found hidden spare rooms in our house. In most of the dreams, I felt satisfied with the house as it was but then experienced a strange, almost fearful exultation when I discovered a whole new addition, or attic, or guesthouse that I just hadn't noticed before. In some cases the rooms were in need of some repair, but only because of benign neglect over time, and I could see the great possibilities the new space afforded us.
This dream recurred many times, often several nights in a row, well into my pregnancy. Now I think I know what they meant. Having Lazarus has, in a way, opened up an entirely new "chamber" of my heart, one I had no idea could possibly exist. I've loved and been loved in my life, but never like this. Call it instinctual, hormonal, just another mother gushing over her babe, whatever you want, I still think it's amazing. Thank you, Lazarus, for bringing this to me, and happy birthday.
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