Girls rule! Oh, no, it's the end of the world as we know it!

I just read this great dissection of a BusinessWeek cover story entitled "The New Gender Gap" [site registration required to access article] and, even though it's a few weeks old, I have to repost it (courtesy of Bitch magazine online):

Smart Girls Are Scary!

In true "anything you can do, I can do better" fashion, girls across America are rapidly becoming the stars of academia, ruling their schools as honor-roll members, heads of student government, and captains of academic clubs. To most of us, this sounds like a good thing, but you wouldn’t know that from reading BusinessWeek’s May 26 cover story, "The New Gender Gap," which wrings its hands in concern over a "female lock on power" in America’s educational system that’s turning our nation’s boys into underachievers. The article asserts that schools have lost sight of boys, "taking for granted that they were doing well, even though data began to show the opposite." Boys, BW worries, have become "the second sex."

Though the article does concede that men still dominate in the highest-paying fields of employment—engineering, investment banking, and high tech—and that boys still score higher than girls on standardized tests, its Chicken Little-like tone predicts big trouble if girls are allowed to flourish and—horrors!—become powerful women leaders. What should be good news for America—a rise in young girls’ self-esteem, and an attendant rise in their academic achievement—is used instead as the fear factor in this call for education reform gone awry.

If BusinessWeek’s point is that boys deserve the same educational benefits as girls—well, no argument there. But the article’s references to declining male wages, a new white marriage gap, and a "loss of (men’s) talent and potential" make another point entirely: Don’t let the girls surpass the boys or their fearsome power could, 20 years down the line, lead to nothing less than the destruction of society. These views might seem par for the course in a nation whose president is currently trying to undermine 30 years of progress for girls by questioning the effectiveness of Title IX; but in these times, as Susan M. Bailey of the Wellesley Centers of Women says in the article, "It would be dangerous to even out the gender ratio by treating women worse. I don’t think we’ve reached a point in this country where we are fully providing equal opportunities to women." We’d say that’s putting it mildly.

Let BusinessWeek know what you think: Contact Managing Editor Michael Mercurio at mike_mercurio@businessweek.com.

—Christina Cathcart, Bitch magazine

So then I went and read the BW article and found that, if anything, the article Ms. Cathcart is commenting on is even more sexist and misogynistic than she makes it out to be in that it pretends to present multiple viewpoints but then essentially dismisses them all to validate the main point that "girls are taking over our schools (and that's bad)!" I'm sure the BW editors loved the article writer all the more for that. Are these people blind, or just emboldened by the current political-social climate? (*shakes head in disbelief*) No matter how far the pendulum swings one way, it always goes back just as far the other way.

To expand the argument a bit, I must say that the BusinessWeek writer does make some good points about how many schools pathologize kids' behavior -- she keeps it specific to boys to bolster her "oh these poor downtrodden boys" argument, but really the US school systems and much of our culture tries to stamp out any energetic, curious, noncompliant behavior whether it's girls or boys displaying it:

"While every nerve in his body tells him to run, he has to sit still and listen for almost eight hours a day. Biologically, he needs about four recesses a day, but he's lucky if he gets one, since some lawsuit-leery schools have banned them altogether. Hug a girl, and he could be labeled a "toucher" and swiftly suspended -- a result of what some say is an increasingly anti-boy culture that pathologizes their behavior.

"If he falls behind, he's apt to be shipped off to special ed, where he'll find that more than 70% of his classmates are also boys. Squirm, clown, or interrupt, and he is four times as likely to be diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. That often leads to being forced to take Ritalin or risk being expelled, sent to special ed, or having parents accused of negligence. One study of public schools in Fairfax County, Va., found that more than 20% of upper-middle-class white boys were taking Ritalin-like drugs by fifth grade."

Again, though, it's not just schools against boys -- it's schools against "disobedience," and between that and all the ridiculous "zero-tolerance" policies it's starting to look like the 1950s hype over "juvenile delinquence." I'll go for the argument that, overall, boys tend to be more rambunctious than girls (whether by nature or nurture or both), hence their proclivity for getting into "trouble" in a system that refuses to accommodate anyone who won't sit still and listen -- a system that needlessly represses girls' as well as boys' creative energies. But to snag her (mostly male) readers' attention and get them riled up to read the rest of the article, the BW writer falls into the same "either-or" trap that keeps our attention focused on the boys-versus-girls wars and just keeps that pendulum swinging widely, back and forth, with no middle ground or creative resolution.

You'd think people would get tired of getting riled up all the time about manufactured problems. Guess not.

Then and Now

Lazarus, a year ago:


This or That Tuesday: Surf's up!
Do you surf sites at random, or have a set list of regular reads?
-Mostly regular reads -- some days I get a lot of comfort in going to familiar places. I only surf at random when I'm looking something up (yesterday it was hummingbirds and dog breeds), and even that is fairly directed surfing.

Do you visit mostly blogs, or news or other sites?
-Mostly blogs. I've definitely migrated away from mainstream news sites; I rarely just surf for news unless I hear something is going on and want specific information. Like all mainstream media, Web news has become so "packaged" and unreliable -- but I have found a bunch of cool alternative sites (see links at right) that I visit when I want to pretend I'm getting informed about current events.

Which news site do you prefer: MSNBC.com or CNN.com? Or do you prefer some other one?
-Puh-leeze -- neither. They're both so breathlessly sensational and slick, and I find myself getting ranty when I go to either one, or others of their ilk. I go to Salon, AlterNet.org, and IndyMedia when I get curious about what the despotic hooligans running the New World are up to these days.

Live chat rooms, or message boards?
-Message boards -- generally just one, with my beloved "synchro mamas" (we all got pregnant and had babies around the same time, but have also found we have many other things in common). Live chat just seems too lame, plus I'm always doing 10 things when I'm on the computer and don't want to have to interrupt one thing to keep up with another.

Instant messaging or e-mail?
-Email -- it gives me time to think about what I want to say, and edit as needed. Notice a trend here? I like to do things on my time.

More pictures of Lazarus for Mom

When it's 92 degrees at 7 p.m., you know the house isn't going to cool off overnight. The unrelenting heat (yeah, okay, so it's a "dry heat" and I'm only half as miserable as I'd be with 90% humidity) has already put Lazarus and me in bad moods, and now that I've unwrapped his grubby fingers from around the computer mouse cord he's definitely not getting any happier. And all those cute summer baby clothes I have sitting in his dresser -- we just have no use for them, though I probably should make him some super-lightweight pants so he can scoot around more comfortably.



As for sleeping, it happens, even in the heat:



While I'm bitching... I just found out that my three-day break from dear husband and stepdaughter will not happen after all. See, they were going to drive up to Denver so Johnnie could see Grampa and other relatives, but Antonio decided at the last minute not to go. I tried not to look devastated or pissed off... I love my family dearly but sometimes I just need time to myself. Lazarus doesn't count as "family burden" -- he's my little buddy and even on hot cranky days like this I love having him around. If I didn't have an article due on Wednesday, I'd pack him up and hit the road myself. *sigh*

Dinner, California Republicans Running Amok, and Lighter Stuff

What's for dinner? I still hate that question, but I've been feeling the urge to cook lately, after a dry spell of, oh, seven or eight years. I guess I can only cook when I really feel at home. I was fretting over my long-lost cookbooks till I realized the Web must be a treasure trove of great recipes. Sure enough, I've found lots and lots of great things to cook. Tonight we're having Slow-Cooker Adobo Chicken and Spanish Rice. I've never made Spanish Rice -- who can forget that reddish blop of goo we used to get at the school cafeteria -- but I'm willing to try. Twenty-five or so years of living have dimmed the memory of that cafeteria slop, and one of Antonio's relatives made an awesome version of the dish that made me realize there's a whole world of Spanish Rice out there....

On to the news: California Republicans apparently believe they have the right to depose a governor elected twice by the state's voting citizens. What the f***?!?!? The effort apparently started with Darrell Issa, described as a "millionaire GOP congressman," who just also happens to be the first declared Republican candidate seeking to replace Gray Davis, a Democrat who has played lots of politics but also managed to do a few good things (like try to get health insurance for the noninsured working poor). These jackasses apparently have gathered enough signatures to place the recall question on next fall's ballot, though legal challenges could pose some obstacle. Davis hasn't been the most effective or charismatic governor, but... the people elected him. I am shocked but I also see a pattern in Republicans throwing money and effort and underhanded tactics at elected officials they see as obstacles to their nefarious goals of rampant free marketeering. Clinton nearly got impeached for getting a blow job in the oval office (and for being an obstacle to the Republican Agenda, of course); now the Evil Empire is after Davis most likely because he ordered inquiries into the 2000-2001 "energy crisis" stemming from the shenanigans of Enron and other energy empires jacking around California's energy supplies to maximize their profits. No mistake here -- that's the real issue, not Davis' "overspending" (what the hell is Dubya doing???) or overall competence/lack thereof. That this effort has gotten this far shows just how powerful the energy barons are -- they will stop at nothing, including negating the will of the people, to get away with their cheating and lying and exploiting. If they get away with it, shame on us for letting it happen but more shame on them for believing they have the right to do what they have to in order to get their way.

Now for something lighter:

This-or-That Tuesday

1. Lemonade or Ice Cold Beer?
Lemonade if it's made from real lemons (or limes - yum) on a really hot day (like we've been having for the past week), then a cold beer on a warm evening (theoretically; I'm abstaining for now). I can't drink beer during the day -- partly because of my Puritan heritage and partly because it makes me way too sleepy and sometimes gives me a headache. After about 5 p.m. it's okay... well, it will be in eight months or so... ;-)

2. Swimming pool or beach?
Beach when I'm anywhere near it, but now that I'm 850 miles away from one coast and 1200 miles away from the other, a pool will do just fine.

3. Long weekends here & there, or a 2-week vacation?
Both -- but now that I'm a freelancer it's not an issue (yes, I'm gloating a bit). All work-weeks should be four days, and all working people should get four-week vacations every year.

4. Destination: Acapulco or Hawaii?
Hawaii -- one of the more remote places where we can rent a little loveshack in the woods and eat mangos and coconuts and go scuba diving every day.

5. Destination: Mountains or Beach?
Mountains -- they're generally cooler and less crowded, and I love the view from up on high. I have to admit, though, that my favorite place on Earth (that I've seen so far) is Big Sur and points south, on the California coast -- mountains AND beach right there together.

6. Hotel/motel/B&B or camping?
B&B -- I should love camping because I love being outdoors, but I can't take the hard ground and I really need to shower at least every other day. I dig motels, too, just because they're everywhere and are easily accessible during impromptu road trips.

7. Carefully planned vacation, or play it by ear?
I like to read all about where I'm going and make sure I have a really good map, then make some loose plans and see what comes up. I used to carefully plan everything but it was too much work -- and Antonio usually finds really cool places and people that I could never have planned for.

8. Sneakers or sandals?
Sandals. I wouldn't wear them, even, except for all the major bugs out here. The spider I saw running under the porch last night was fearfully large and waved his front legs around like he wanted to start boxing with me. Lucy the dog eats birds and lizards; I sure hope she develops a taste for spiders and scorpions and centipedes, too.

9. Air-conditioning or fans?
Fans -- a ceiling fan in every room just about does the trick... but during heat waves like this, I'd love to have a swamp cooler (that's desert-ese for a/c) for our bedroom, at least, so we could sleep.

10. Concerts in the park or baseball games?
Concerts in the park -- they're more casual, and I'm terrible about dealing with big crowds and lines and all that. And I love watching all the kids run around and seeing the babies on blankets and having my own little place under a tree.

I knew I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquoiquee... -- B. Bunny

Just want to say Hi to all my fans out there, and also wish my big sister Johnnie a happy birthday!


This day is special to me for another reason, too: ten years ago today I arrived in Albuquerque, New Mexico -- a place I'd never seen before but decided to leave the East Coast for anyway. I went there both to get away from wretched East Coast winters and to try something completely different. I had arranged to do fieldwork there for my PhD dissertation on cross-cultural medicine, but that was just part (and, it turned out, a small part) of the Master Plan. If I hated it, I reasoned, I could go back east in six months. If I liked it, I'd do my fieldwork and then go back east in a year -- two at most -- to write up the dissertation and get on with my life.

I landed in that hot, dry, but friendly city in a rented car with two friends, three cats (Mimi, Ginger, and Georgia), and some of my precious stuff. Agatha and Rosanne left a few days later, and suddenly I was alone (except for the kitties) in a strange place with no car, a map of the bus system, and a TV and a radio/CD player. Being so terribly East Coast and unfamiliar with the Western U.S. concept of "city" (not compact and navigable by public transit but sprawling and very pedestrian unfriendly), I bumbled my way around and wondered what the hell I was doing there. Being 5000 feet above sea level in 95-degree dry heat, I had trouble walking or biking anywhere at first, so I mostly stayed home, talked to friends and family on the phone, ran across the street to the supermarket for food and beer, and sat on my little patio to listen to the strange bugs and talk myself out of running back home.

In July 1993, I headed west, never to return. In July 2003, I look back and think of what other directions my life could have taken. I could have stayed back east, done fieldwork there, written that dissertation (it never materialized more than one-third of the way), gotten a PhD, married another PhD, and had a much more stable, conventional, bounded life than I've had in the ten years since. Or I could have tried to do all that and gone bonkers and taken off a few years later, headed west or elsewhere, and ended up pretty much where I am now, or somewhere else. In a decade, I've lived in New Mexico, California, Colorado, and New Mexico again; had two good jobs, gotten married (not to a PhD -- sorry, Mom and Dad), had a beautiful and amazing baby, bought and sold a house (for a nice profit, thank you), planted many gardens, and packed up and moved more times than I'd have liked to. And I'd do it again, starting with that road trip from Philadelphia to Albuquerque a decade ago -- even if I had to live in southern California again. Because I know (even if others don't) that I'm where I'm supposed to be, geographically and otherwise, and the journey was all good because it got me here.

Lazarus has a buddy!

His name is Jai, and he lives here in town with his mama and papa, Christine and Omar, along with three horses, four dogs, eight or so turkeys, and miscellaneous transient critters. We are *so* happy to finally have someone to socialize with!

Jai is already practicing standing up:

He also likes stealing Lazarus' binky, though he freely offers it back:

And though he's a month and a half younger than Lazarus, Jai is a little dynamo -- he wore my little guy out:

One fine day

Our morning routine is pretty basic: we wake up, mama makes coffee, and mama and Lazarus hang out in the back room to watch Sesame Street, pull toys out of the toybox, and have breakfast. The other day, however, Lazarus decided to spice things up a bit....

Good morning, sunshine! Hiya -- hey, what's that dog doing out there?


Methinks I shall investigate... And while I'm at it, is that another binky I see under mama's chair?


What's up, mama? You look surprised about something...


Yes, my little guy is finally getting (a bit) mobile, after enduring many months of slings and arrows from meddling relatives who couldn't understand why he wasn't meeting or exceeding published baby activity standards. He doesn't exactly crawl; he kind of scooches around on a combination of thigh and knee and foot and elbow, but he has become an expert at pivoting. And he loves to roll back and forth -- something he mastered before he was three months old but didn't see the need for, apparently, till just now.

What's he been doing all this time, then? Working on his personality, that's what. And anyone who's met him knows that's been time very well spent....

Singin' in the rain

I'm hearing the most amazing thing outside my window right now... frogs! We had real rain today and I guess that was enough to bring them out. I have no idea what species I'm hearing -- it could be any one of the numerous types found here in Socorro County. Rooting around on the Web... let's see here... it could be one of these guys:



That would be the New Mexico Spadefoot (Spea multiplicata), the official state amphibian. I can't see them, of course, but they sound like this (you need WinAmp to hear, I think). I guess a real rain brings them out in abundance, which gives me another reason to hope for a good "monsoon" (i.e. rainy) season this summer. The sound of frogs makes me so happy... This is the first time in ages I've lived near frogs, and that must be a good sign.

Froggy goes ribbit...

Another rant (no pictures)

I need to rant tonight, but I'm going to displace -- put the energy toward something other than what irked me today. Also, this is a long-standing issue for me and I... well... just want to rant. I read yesterday some words from a woman who, though she hasn't had a child, has very strong opinions on childbirth and such. That, for example, infant formula is awful and evil, and no woman who cares about her baby should touch it. And that a woman should never "just decide" to have a caesarean section and deprive herself and her baby of a natural childbirth unless it's absolutely necessary, and most c-sections aren't necessary but women let themselves get talked into them because they're ill-informed and scared and brainwashed by the medical system. This from a woman who considers herself radical, seeking alternatives to the oppressive mainstream view of childbirth and motherhood. "I would never JUDGE any mother," she insists, but....

I have to admit that I harbored similar opinions once. Then I bore a child and had to face reality. I used to rant about never EVER touching evil formula and why on EARTH would any woman not want to breastfeed. When Lazarus hadn't gained back his birth weight within two weeks and screamed when trying to latch on and I was horribly sore and chapped, I "caved" and started supplementing with formula. He took the bottle like he'd been starving the whole 16 days he was alive, and both bottle and breast feedings suddenly became peaceful. But I felt like shit about it, and started supplementing later than I perhaps should have, because I'd absorbed all the negative judgment against bottle feeding. I felt (and still sometimes feel) almost embarrassed that I didn't "stick it out." Even though my son is clearly thriving physically, mentally and emotionally.

I also used to rant about birth interventions, so of course I ended up getting induced and having a c-section. I still sometimes wonder whether I had a "necessary" c-section -- again, all the negative judgment weighs on me and makes me doubt my own judgment, which at the time told me Lazarus was possibly in danger because his heart rate kept dropping, and the last thing I wanted to do was lose him. "Necessary" or not, it's the decision I made at the time, fully informed because I'd taken Bradley (natural childbirth) classes and read whatever I could get my hands on, and it sucks that I feel compelled to question it sometimes because a cadre of people want to harp on the issue, supposedly in the name of what's best for mamas and babes. It's bad enough that those of us not following "convention" get judged from the right wing -- I'm used to it and can dismiss them as the assholes they are. But to get judged, directly or not, for choices I've made by people with whom I share many values and aspirations, well, that really sucks, and is also kind of isolating. Motherhood can be difficult and isolating sometimes, and all the more so when women start turning on one another in the name of what's "best."

Time to think, plot mischief, and watch a sunset

I had lots of time to think and watch the world while driving up to and back from Denver, and I had to wonder why, if Texas is so damn great, half the cars I saw on I-25 throughout New Mexico and Colorado had Texas plates. Going somewhere, people?

I also thought about gardening. I've been doing it for quite a while now -- sometimes in containers on small apartment balconies, more recently in whole yards that let me get in way over my head -- and by the time we left California, I'd gotten pretty good at it. Now, in a very dry mountain setting, I'm struggling at best and realize that I have to learn new gardening skills. Take a (much) less water-intensive approach. Figure out not just how to keep stuff alive here but what will thrive with little water and lots of dry winds. My vegetable garden is surviving only because I water it every other day, sometimes more, but even with that much watering my "flower beds" in front have done almost nothing -- some seeds sprouted, then died off, and of the few plants I put in only a few herbs are hanging in there. So I did a Web search on xeriscaping -- low-water landscaping -- and actually found a site that makes me drool just as much as all those seed and flower catalogs I used to get every winter. It has a small resource library not to mention lots of colorful perennials that might actually do well up here. Here are a few I have my eye on:



By this time next year (patience, Anna) I might actually have something other than dust and rocks for a yard.

On the way home, somewhere between Wagon Mound and Watrous, I saw the most amazing sunset. Lots of torn, ragged clouds piled up over the Sangre de Cristo mountains, all stained with some shade of red or violet or orange, and then a hawk sailed right through the scene. The thing about sunsets here is they last forever, and change slowly but constantly, giving an hour or so of good viewing pleasure. If I hadn't been driving I'd have put my feet up, cracked open a beer, and declared that it doesn't get any better than this. Knowing that, in fact, it always does.

It ain't easy being green, if you're a garden in New Mexico

We just got back from Denver and, let me tell you, it's green there. Leafy flowery long-grass livin'-is-easy green... but it's sunny here, as well as peaceful and family-drama-free, and a few things in my garden are finally maybe doing better than half-dead. The corn suddenly is stalky rather than grassy, and the peppers seem solid if a bit short. The cucumber plant is doing fairly well -- growing slowly, but a bit flea-bitten; the beans just aren't thriving, though, nor are the squash. And the tomatoes just don't seem to want to make the effort... we'll see. I added some cottonseed meal for a small nitrogen boost and will probably add more mulch tomorrow. I don't think I'll be getting a bumper crop of anything this year, not even weeds 'cuz it's too dry for them, even.

Lazarus definitely enjoyed the park in Denver, especially the swing:



and so did Lucy:



Today I put Lazarus in his swing here at home -- had to clean up the logs and bark around it first -- and it broke up what was becoming a long, cranky afternoon. He was happy the rest of the day, probably because of the sunshine and breeze and the silly dog leaping around below him. Lucy's still too rough to play with Lazarus, but he cracks up watching her run around and be goofy. I have some puppy training books now and hope to calm this adorable little beast down a bit...

Five for fun: Planes, trains, and automobiles

1. What's your favorite method of travel? Why?
Definitely car -- I love love love road trips... although maybe if I had a luxurious sleeper car, I could get into the train thing, too, for really long trips. The things I love best about going by car are that I can leave on my own schedule, I can pack as much as will fit in the car, and I can stop wherever and whenever I want. And I can listen to my music as loud as I want, without the scream of the plane's engines in my ears, and no one bangs on the back of my seat or lowers their head into my lap while I'm eating dinner. And now I have a road-trip buddy -- Lazarus seems to do really well in the car, and, fingers crossed, we'll go on many trips together.

2. What's the longest road trip you've ever taken? Where?
Philadelphia to Albuquerque, New Mexico, in June 1993, over five days with two friends, three cats, and a carload of stuff I was moving out west with me. We stayed in Motel 6's the first three nights -- Roanoke, Virginia, Nashville, Tennessee, and Little Rock, Arkansas -- and in another little motel I can't remember the name of in Shamrock, Texas. The motel in Roanoke was scary -- both the front door and the bathroom door had putty and small wood braces to repair what clearly looked like doors kicked in and broken down. Did someone get stalked and murdered there? Did someone fall down and die in the bathtub and no one figured it out till the bill went unpaid and the other guests complained of a smell? We packed up and left very, very early the next morning. I had gotten my driver's license about a month before (at the tender age of 27) and did okay till we hit Nashville, then my friends (Agatha and Rosanne) tactfully took over. The final day, the car conked out going up the hill into New Mexico, and we barely managed to make it to a campground to rest and call someone, and I had my usual (at the time) mild panic attack because things weren't going smoothly and my three cats were getting restless after five days in the car. (The car just had vapor lock and we did finally make it to Albuquerque, and the apartment complex I had rented in unseen had a lovely pool where we relaxed the evening away.)

3. How many plane trips have you taken in your life?
Hmmmm... maybe 12 or so, probably more business (back in my "real" employment days) than leisure. Shortest: Denver to Albuquerque, during a powerful August storm that tossed the 25-seat plane around like a beach ball; longest: Los Angeles to Ireland (via Britain), which I don't recommend for restless or claustrophobic travelers.

4. What method of travel do you fear so much or intensely dislike that you avoid it? Why?
Air travel... because I hate airports and all the people and feel claustrophobic in airplanes. I love the view and the speed, but it's almost not worth all the rest of the rigamarole. Especially now -- I've always had a bag or two searched, for some reason, but now the security check involves getting Lazarus' stroller and car seat taken completely apart, having to get wanded and take my shoes off, emptying out my laptop bag and having to explain why I'm carrying all these wires and other implements... And I always have this sense that at one of the many checkpoints through the maze leading to my way-too-small seat, something is going to hang and -- boom. Anna has a meltdown (see #5 below).

5. Describe the worst travel experience you've ever had.
Los Angeles to Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, for a mission trip in 1997. The plane got into Santo Domingo around 3:00 in the morning, and we had to stand in line for what seemed like hours to show our passports, go through security, and pay to get into the country. There was some confusion as to where our group was supposed to go, so we kept getting herded here, then there, and I had two very heavy bags to carry and hadn't slept in 24 hours. I don't do well on little or no sleep, and I don't do well in crowded, chaotic situations, so of course I had a complete meltdown -- crying, dry heaves, hyperventilation... it was ridiculous. We ended up having an amazing time there, though (tarantulas and rats and airplane-sized mosquitoes notwithstanding.)

Lazarus' birthday pictures (finally)!

Here are some pictures from Lazarus' birthday -- sorry for the delay. I just finished a really big job that had me tearing my hair out at times because... well... I had to sit at my desk and work on it every day (and into the night, actually) for two weeks, right after finishing an edit with a tight schedule. I know, my life is so rough.

Anyhoo:

Is this all I get???


Taking the direct approach:


You're actually letting me use my hands?


It's kinda squooshy -- anyone got a spoon?

Spiders and centipedes and scorpions, oh my!

With a new habitat come new critters. I've seen (and heard) many different kinds of birds, rabbits, a coyote, antelope, elk, deer, lizards, and, most recently, some of these:



Lucky me -- some people pay good money for them; I get them running in my back door, right onto the carpet Lazarus and I (used to) sit on to relax and play. The dog wants to play with them but they run too fast.

"Scorpions are nocturnal, predatory animals that feed on a variety of insects, spiders, centipedes, and other scorpions. The larger scorpions occasionally feed on vertebrates, such as smaller lizards, snakes, and mice. Prey are located primarily by sensing vibrations. The pedipalps have an array of fine sensory hairs called trichobothria that sense air-borne vibrations; the tips of the legs have small organs that detect vibrations in the ground."

That explains why the little suckers race into the back room every time I open the sliding door after dark.

"The average scorpion probably lives three to five years, but some species undoubtedly live at least 10-15 years."

I guess that means the one that darted into the laundry room last night is there to stay. Wonderful.

"Despite their bad reputation, only one species in the U.S. and about 20 others worldwide have venom potent enough to be considered dangerous to humans. The US species, Centruroides exilicauda (formerly called C. sculpturatus), is found over much of Arizona. A small population occurs in extreme southeastern California, and a few records exist for southern Utah. The venom of this scorpion may produce severe pain and swelling at the site of the sting, numbness, frothing at the mouth, difficulties in breathing (including respiratory paralysis), muscle twitching, and convulsions. Death is rare, especially in more recent times. An antivenom is available for severe cases."

They didn't mention New Mexico. Then again, most of the US population thinks New Mexico is Arizona, or in Arizona.

"Scorpions are difficult to control with insecticides alone. Therefore, the first control strategy is to modify the area surrounding a house. Remove all trash, logs, boards, stones, bricks and other objects from around the home...."

I guess I know what I'll be doing tomorrow during my work breaks. During daylight. With gloves on. Shoes, too. Sheesh. But if that doesn't work, well, lucky for me, the wonders of e-commerce will bring a solution right to my doorstep.

I can take (small, shy) spiders, and lizards, and even snakes. But these suckers creep me out.

Oh, mama, can we keep her???

Antonio found a great present for Lazarus -- she needed a home and Laz needed a buddy, so here she is:

Happy first birthday, Lazarus!!!!

Several months before I became pregnant with Lazarus, I had the first in a long series of dreams in which I found hidden spare rooms in our house. In most of the dreams, I felt satisfied with the house as it was but then experienced a strange, almost fearful exultation when I discovered a whole new addition, or attic, or guesthouse that I just hadn't noticed before. In some cases the rooms were in need of some repair, but only because of benign neglect over time, and I could see the great possibilities the new space afforded us.

This dream recurred many times, often several nights in a row, well into my pregnancy. Now I think I know what they meant. Having Lazarus has, in a way, opened up an entirely new "chamber" of my heart, one I had no idea could possibly exist. I've loved and been loved in my life, but never like this. Call it instinctual, hormonal, just another mother gushing over her babe, whatever you want, I still think it's amazing. Thank you, Lazarus, for bringing this to me, and happy birthday.

Adjusting (again), and remembering things past

Okay, I'm not so mad at the world anymore. I'm feeling more at home here in Magdalena -- my mom helped me clear all the boxes out of the back room so we have a comfortable living space (and so Antonio can watch movies at 2 a.m. back there without waking me up and pissing me off), and I've gotten some garden space planted, and I finally have my satellite Internet so I can browse the Web at leisure instead of over long-distance dial-up at 7 cents a minute. Word to the wise: when you move out to the middle of nowhere, you can still get (fairly) high-speed Internet, but it might take a while because the provider knows you have no other options.

It helps that I'm getting outside more. In Denver I was practically a hermit, both because it was winter (real winter, which I kind of forgot how to deal with and hadn't missed at all the seven years I was in California) and because I was too depressed to do much of anything. I had a pretty basic routine there: get up with Lazarus, make coffee, drink two big cups with Coffeemate fat-free hazelnut creamer and eat a bowl of cereal, surf the Web and answer email while Laz watched Sesame Street, go downstairs and give Laz his breakfast and greet grampa, watch the second half of JAG and then The Practice with him, and finally look at the clock and think, well, if I don't get a shower before 1:00 I might as well not bother. I had work now and then, and I had errands to run now and then, and once in a while I'd just take Laz out for a drive, but I had to make a real effort to get out of the house instead of retreating back upstairs with Lazarus after lunch. I kept making plans to take Lazarus to the zoo, to museums, to parks, but I just couldn't manage to follow through.

I still have to make an effort to get out of the house -- I always have -- but now it's my home again, and I have plenty here to keep me happy. This evening I planted most of my veggie seedlings, and watered the tiny flower seedlings just starting to come up in front. Lazarus has been sick the past few days, which makes me sad because I miss my sunny little buddy, but I'm hoping he'll be better soon... by his birthday, maybe, which is Tuesday. My little guy is almost a year old -- one year ago today I was lying on the bed wondering how many more weeks I could stand being huge and achey and immobile and fog-brained and throwing up every damn morning. Two days later, I held this creature in my arms:



This has been, far and away, the best year of my life. So far.

Rant (no pictures)

This was published today. Not May 1, 1953 but May 1, 2003. Today, in the great U.S. of A., and it's not a nostalgic look back at our storied history but a current events news report. A taste:

"...Juniors are in charge of planning the prom each year and last year they decided to have just one dance — the first integrated prom in 31 years in the rural Georgia county 150 miles south of Atlanta.

"Until then, parents and students organized separate proms for whites and blacks after school officials stopped sponsoring dances, in part because they wanted to avoid problems arising from interracial dating.

"This year, a small number of white juniors decided they wanted a separate prom...."

Holy crap. I shouldn't be reading this stuff (I snagged the link from jhames, who snagged it from some other enlightened soul) -- I'm mad enough at the world as it is.

Rubber ducky (/fish/frog/turtle), you're the one, you make tubby time so much fun...

First, let me apologize for not updating my weblog. See, I don't have high-speed Internet out here in the sticks, and instead of signing up for YET another ISP and email address I'm just hanging with my AT&T service... which means I have to dial long-distance into Albuquerque every time I want to connect. Absurd and highly impractical, I know, but I thought I'd have the satellite Internet service by now. Of course, I haven't yet received the check from my last gig, which was going to cover it, so everything works out in a way. Except that I'm Net-deprived, and my mom is Lazarus-deprived... guess I'll make that phone call today.

Speaking of Lazarus, here he is in all his bathing glory:


fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads...

... eat 'em up -- BLECCHHHHH


what's this stuff and why can't I grab it and jam it in my mouth to chomp on it?


the amazing frog boy:


I'll put up more pix later; I took some over the weekend during our trip to Denver -- we took the scenic route, which was by far the best part of the trip, and Lazarus was, as always, a pleasant roadtrip companion. Denver looks a lot better now in the spring than it did when I arrived late last November, when it was grey and cold and the trees were bare. I remember driving in from Grand Junction (where Laz and I stayed for a week or so after leaving California), and thinking Oh shit, what the hell did I do??? I pulled the car up to the back of the house from the alley and had to sit there and cry for a few minutes. The place just looked cold, grey, grubby and completely foreign, my gardens and comfort far behind me. Spring definitely spruces the town up, but I'm still happy to have left Denver for the not-quite-as-green expanse of southwestern New Mexico. Driving back down here yesterday, I felt increasingly happy the closer we got to home, and when I emerged from the Glorieta Pass and saw the Magdalena Mountains way in the distance, my heart leapt. And coming up the hill towards those mountains, night upon us, I thrilled to see the stars all around me, Orion straight ahead as if beckoning me home.

And home I am, puttering around and winding my way through towers of boxes and trying to figure out where to put anything, let alone everything. It's a good thing we have a store so we can start unloading all this stuff... The seeds I planted a few weeks ago have sprouted, and now my windowsills are filled with leggy green plants straining towards the sun. I think I can plant them now, but I'll wait to see if we get any more frost over the next few nights before putting them out.

I'm da king of bongo, baby

Lazarus joined in on the drum circle tonight, and it was pretty amazing to watch this little guy figure out that when he hits the drum, it makes a cool noise just like Papa's does.

Here's my Saturday Six (borrowed and modified from the divine a.):

1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?

twenty-two -- no, I'm not kidding. I lived in my childhood home from age 3 months to 17 years, and it's been move move move ever since -- more than half my life now. I'm restless, the landlord jacks up the rent, my neighbors get noisy, I get restless again.... And my cat Georgia has been with me for the last 15 moves, poor faithful kitty. But I think we're home now. She already has several choice window seats (old adobe houses have nice deep window sills).

2. where did you stay the longest? the shortest?

-longest: childhood home, for 17 years
-shortest: with a temporary host family in Brussels, Belgium, for two weeks while the AFS coordinator hooked me up with another host family (the first one was nuts)

3. Which was your favorite and why?

1) childhood home -- small house at the edge of the woods with huge trees all around filled with birds and chattering squirrels, beautiful yard that my mom landscaped, hundreds of daffodils every spring, loft looking out on the woods that mom and dad built, funky small hippie-ish town, total freedom to run and bike and be a kid.
2) Whittier house -- because it was ours and once we renovated it, it was beautiful and sunny. I loved creating the gardens out of nothing, and I could hear the birds in the morning as I awoke. But it had a bad stress vibe that took about six months to dissipate.
3) present home -- we just got here, so it isn't "ours" yet, but I'm excited to start gardening again, painting and tiling and putting up curtains, feeding the birds, ...
this one may well move to #2 soon, especially since it has a very good feeling to it already. Dunno about it ever replacing #1, though -- that's a tough act to follow.

4. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?

stressful because I've done it way too often, and not always because I wanted to but because I had to -- money, bad neighbors, lease up, etc. I hope I've made my last move for a long while -- more than two and a half years, at least. I do enjoy unpacking and setting up house, though, so once all the stress is over, at least I get a bit of a treat. Putting up curtains -- no, window treatments -- is definitely my favorite settling-in activity, along with watching the cat nose around and figure out the sunny spots for each part of the day.

5. What's more important, location or price?

they kind of go together, but if I have to choose: location, but not for the usual reasons. I'd rather live out here in the middle of a beautiful nowhere in a house that needs TLC than in the middle of the action in a swanky city neighborhood or tony suburb, because that's who I am (i.e. weird). I want freedom, not material luxury. Not that I could afford the latter anyway, so go with the flow, right? :-D

6. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?

-very quiet location, with a wide variety of birds around
-lots of sunlight coming through big windows with amazing views of hills and valleys
-a quiet, spacious, bright room away from the main house where I can relax, create, be on my own
-a sauna and an outdoor whirlpool
-a gravel path directly from the my bedroom deck to the stable